The View From Toad Cottage

2011-11-26T10:55:00.001-05:00

In Which I Realize I'm Aging

Okay, so I know I said I was going to address the serious subjects I listed previously, but I ask your indulgence while I briefly investigate a completely different subject: Life Crisis. Now, I don't think Crisis is the correct word because I'm not currently in a crisis (defined as: 1. A time of intense difficulty, trouble, or danger. or 2. A time when a difficult or important decision must be made: "a crisis point of history".), but I am in more of a ........ quandry.

I awoke this morning feeling much the same as I did yesterday. I arose with a very tiny bounce to my step, actually excited to see the sun glinting off the frosty grass outside, as I slipped on some shoes and plodded down to feed Maxie (* our beloved cat that has gone through a huge emotional knot due to surgery last month). Of course, he decided that the lovely can of food that I fought Black Friday crowds to purchase (since he politely turned his nose up at the 4 other selections I had purchased before Thanksgiving) was not exactly what he had in mind. He touched it lightly with his nose, and delicately pretended to cover it up. Mommy's had enough of that, so it'll stay in his bowl until he decides to eat it. Last time I tried this take-no-prisoners 'tude, he starved himself for a solid week. My cat has obviously been human in a previous life, and a strong minded one at that. But, I digress.

After dealing with the cat, feeding my darling children, checking the news online, and downing a vitamin C drink for myself, I repaired to the salon (as my great grandmother might have said). With the shower running and my mouth chock full of Aquafresh, I happened to catch my own eye in the bathroom mirror. This is where my pseudo crisis comes in. I. did. not. recognize. the. hag. in. the. mirror.

In my own mind, I guess I remain about 32 when my hair was still shiny and blonde, my face did not resemble a road map of New York so much as a soft hillside, and my body was a tad more taught. What I saw, in that mirrored moment of stunning clarity, was not the youngish ball of energy I picture myself as, but a (gulp) older, tired, sagging mom. Part of this might be the sad military haircut I was blessed with at a salon last week. (Military cuts, for future reference, are never attractive and do not, repeat do not, resemble in any way the cute pixie cut picture I showed the stylist.) That said, the cut cannot be blamed for the Shar-pei like wrinkle party commencing on my visage. The past 6 years of sleepless stress has taken a toll apparently.

Lacking smelling salts, I revived myself by with a bottle of hairspray and steeled myself to take another look at the hag. Yes, I have earned all of my winkles, but I've also earned the dark circles under my eyes, the squint line across the top of my nose, the crow's feet marks at my temples, the overgrown eyebrows threatening to descend onto the lids themselves, and the sagging neck. At this point, we won't go into exactly how I've earned all of those special treats, but suffice it to say - continuing to breathe for decades does eventaully exact a price. Had I asked close friends, they may (after promises of sweets or bags of money) have been honest and told me that I had started showing my age a while ago, but it didn't even cross my mind to ask. As I said, in my mind I remained about 32.

Ok, that was the initial shock, not really the crisis part. Here goes, the crisis part is that I realized that (without going into exactly how many rings this tree really has) I am nearing the halfway point in my life. I remember when my parents reached this age, and it truly doesn't seem so long ago! A bit of back story assuming you have not gone back to reread the past 5 years of blogging:

I have dedicated my life, for the past six years, to my devinely adorable children. I've enjoyed strengthening our little clan, puring my love into my children like water into an empty glass, introducing them to American life, to school, to winters full of snowy fun (and colds), to summers at the beach, to new family, and to their legions of friends and fans. I've reveled in their joy and actually trembled with the strength of the love I have for them. I've fought for them against bullying, struggled for them to achieve at school, made a lesson out of practically everything, worried myself sick, and celebrated each day with them. At the same time, I've fought for them, struggled for them, worried for them, and foregone sleep to sit up with them waiting for the night terrors. (Get it? There are pluses AND minuses here...) I've dealt with loss, with health scares, with the very personal effects of our downward spiraling economy, and worried about where we were going to get the dollars to heat the house and put food on the table. I know, I know, wah wah wah. Everyone has gone through this, is going through it presently, or will go through it. My point is that all of this has created the hag in the mirror.

A friend has counseled me to embrace this new woman, to cherish all of the life that is now written on her face, to become the book from which others can read about strength in adversity and survival. I might aspire to this, but realistically speaking - I'm human and do have a little vanity. I steadfastly refuse a surgical remedy to her loose skinned and papery look, but I am investigating face creams, vitamins, miracles, and magical age reducers. So far, I think I'm stuck with the hag. I shall have to think of her as an experienced and wise version of me instead of a hag.

Along with this new-looking me, I've also realized that quite a few years have slipped by without having accomplished the things I have held dear. I am not yet published in book form, I have not yet built a home for Ethiopian families affected by HIV, established college scholarships for 5 girls in the US, begun a writing "club" for children held down by poverty, given 10,000 to St. Jude's (the hospital that literally saved the life of my daughter's best friend), trained to run a mini marathon, grown all of my own fruit and vegetables for an entire summer, made sure my daughters are confident self assured young ladies, traveled to Hong Kong, or let my friends and family know clearly what they have done for me and my life. (These are just a few of the items on my list. The list is quite long, and keeps growing.)

So, rather than treat this a crisis, I guess I will choose to look at the shock as a catalyst. I'm definately a list person (read as: I have a rhinestone encrusted notebook of Life Lists. Yes, I will admit to being a tad detail-oriented.), and will begin to try to check off items on my Big List each month. The larger items, like those I mentioned above may have to wait until I publish books, win the lottery, or get elected Queen, but I will hold out hope that I can accomplish them. My sparkling book of lists must get longer with steps to achieve the larger items, but I think this can give me focus for the upcoming years. Perhaps I can involve my girls in achieving my goals and in turn instill in them the drive to accomplish whatever they dream.

And now, an admission. I used to think, before my girls arrived home from Ethiopia, that friends who were stay-at-home moms were neglecting themselves. I felt strongly that they had traded who they were for the initials M.O.M., and were choosing to lose their path willingly. I guess I still feel that way, but now I realize that the choice is one that a mother cannot help but make. I chose to leave the corporate world and regular socializing with adults, but I traded it for the miraculous magic of watching my children grow and learn. I spent my time experiencing each moment with my children instead of achieving status and a more stable bank account. Now I realize that while it may be possible to combine both lives, retain a bit of oneself and still be present for one's family, I have already chosen for the past years. It's left a mark, as Chris Farley used to say, but it's a mark that I'm not sure I would trade. What I have learned should make me stronger. Yes, I may be an older mom and may not compare favorably to the much younger, yoga clothed, made-up, lithe moms at the school, but I can ace them with life knowledge, with wisdom, strength of character, and now I have extensive knowledge of face creams. Later, I can beat them with my cane.

Well, hi there!

2011-09-12T20:33:00.002-05:00

Hi there, dear readers. I'm a bit suprised but glad that you're still here patiently awaiting my return. Hope you have helped yourself to the fridge and enjoyed the comfy furnishings here at Toad Cottage. I do apologize for my absence! It's not that I have not been thinking of you and The View from Toad Cottage, but life and it's subsequent challenges sort of sucked me into it's swirling vortex for awhile. Thankfully I yanked myself free and am back. :) We'll discuss the details later.

So, with renewed focus and creative oomph, please stay tuned for the following posts over the next few weeks:
1.) Bullying & Racism in Elementary School
2.) On Having Become What I Previously Mistakenly Looked Down Upon
3,) Feeling Like a Pretender In The Writing World, or When One Can call Themselves A Real Writer
4.) Review Of Ghetto Cowboy by G. Neri
5.) 5 Easy Pieces: Simple & Delicious Recipes for Busy Moms To Satisfy The Masses
6.) 'Big Hair Mood'; A Tale of Ethiopian Hair In The Great White North

So happy to see your smiling faces again, at least in my imagination! Join me on Wednesday for a bit of birthday fun & a giveaway.

Love,
Me

Those Darned Holiday Cards!

2010-12-07T08:33:00.001-05:00

Hi all,

Well, time has sufficiently sped by without my paying the least bit of attention, and holiday card time is nearly past! I still have some cards left in the attic from 15 yrs. ago depicting Santa in red trunks lying underneath a decorated palm tree, but they just don't give the sentiment I want. (Now a card with Mrs. Claus dressed in ratty sweatpants, an old t-shirt, an apron covered in flour, and large bags under her eyes might be more appropriate!) So the lovely folks at Shutterfly http://www.shutterfly.com/ are offering 50 free holiday cards to bloggers, and I'm going for it! (You can get some too if you are a blogger right here. http://blog.shutterfly.com/5358/holiday2010-blog-submission-form/ )

When we threw my parents a 50th Wedding Anniversary party 2 summers ago, it was Shutterfly that helped us with a photo party invitation that knocked everyone's socks right off! My mom teared up when she saw it, which was exactly the reaction we were going for. Got them a photo book, too, that collected photos from before they were married up until that day and it is beautiful. But I digress - back to the current challenge....

Right. So now we have to pick the style (waaaaaaaaaay too many gorgeous ones to choose from http://www.shutterfly.com/cards-stationery/holiday-cards http://www.shutterfly.com/cards-stationery/christmas-photo-cards) and the photo or photos to go on it! Hmmmmm. We had a photo shoot here at home. Did you hear the complaining and fighting from where you are? I was ready to break out a fire hose, but we got 3 okay shots of the girls in front of the absolutely exquisite quilt that our friend Julie made and raffled for us to bring our little one home from Ethiopia. Take a peek. What do you think?

Of course I picked a completely lovely style on Shutterfly that takes 3 photos, so now I must either force them into reasonably good looking outfits and go out to our favorite garden store (Churchills' in Exeter) to take some other pictures (Good luck, Mommy.) or pick some from the fall. I wanted to include the shot of the girls' playing in vibrant colored wigs and bathing suits, but K has threatened to move out on her own (she's 9) if I do. Should I force her hand? :)

Anyway, it's very exciting being able to use real printed photo Christmas cards for the first time in our family! I sure do love Shutterfly, and am thrilled that they are offering us the cards this year. They're smart, because they know that I will be hooked for every holiday season hereafter! Please do hop on over to the Shutterfly site. They have really wonderful cards for every occasion and great photo gifts. I'll post my final choice for our cards later this week!

Stay tuned for a Cool Holiday Gift list coming soon!

Long Time No See....

2010-11-30T10:47:00.000-05:00

Hi Everybody! I know you have probably given up on my rumored renovations, but here I am to reassure you that the new & exciting blog will be up at the end of the week! It's taken a little longer than planned due to a very dear friend stricken with cancer and the care that ensued. She is now on a set path that cannot be changed, unfortunately, and I hope that those of you that pray will for her. Carolyn is quite a woman, a month shy of 50 years old, and a wonderful friend. I am lucky to have had her in my life.

Upcoming: Holiday special! Cool gifts for your kids as well as some supposed, but not so, cool gifts. Also, specials offered by some pretty nifty companies, fabulous Ethiopian gift giving ideas, non-profits to warm your heart & soul, and a link to my new and exciting Etsy store!

Back soon!

Renovations To Toad Cottage...

2010-10-01T11:38:00.000-05:00

Okay, so apparently I've been offline for nearly a year. Hmmmm. Not promising for a blogger and writer. So, renovations to both the real Toad Cottage and the blog Toad Cottage will be simultaneous! (Will pause for cheering and hooting...) New and improved additions to what will be at least weekly posting, will be certain "rooms" or subjects. Here's what I'm thinking...
Monday posts:       Family Room where we discuss subjects relating to our family (and yours hopefully), and will include subjects relating to parenting, kids, transracial adoption, etc.
Tuesday posts:       The Salon where products will be reviewed and discussed. (ie. hair and skin products)
Wednesday posts: The Kitchen where we'll post devine recipes for families to make/enjoy together.
Thursday posts:      The Library where we will discuss/review new and old books to share.
Friday posts:          This is my "free day" where I can and will tackle more difficult subjects I'm thinking about.
Saturday posts:      The Telephone These will be rare due to the bustling atmosphere of Toad Cottage on weekends, but will be the Interview Post. I'll corner local and national folks and roundup their thoughts on various subjects.
Sunday posts:         The Yard where we'll kick around subjects relating to our natural world, how we fit into it, thoughts on what we can do to fit into it in a more responsible way, etc.

Please feel free to send me your ideas via comments! Looking forward to "chatting" with you soon. The renovations should be complete by the end of October!

Grief

2009-11-05T21:35:00.002-05:00

Lately my days are filled with dilemmas, from what to pack for school lunches to finding patience for bedtime fears. My latest dilemma has changed me forever: my daughter's best friend is dying of leukemia and I don't know how to tell Honeybun. How do you explain why a sweet child had to suffer 8 years of torture? How do you face this and help your child do so too? How do you justify everything when something like this uproots that very same everything?

What I have learned is this: we have now. No matter what befalls us in the little annoyances, joys, lack of patience, sleeplessness, etc., we have right now. Tomorrow may never be, so gather all the moments of pure joy you can. Sorrow like this cuts my very soul.

On My Way Back.....

2009-07-13T08:28:00.004-05:00

Hi there! I know that you have probably forgotten about me by now, but I am on my way back home to Tale of Two Kiddies. After a long hiatus, we will be back on the air at least 3 days a week with all kinds of topics, giveaways, and basic chatter. Please do join me? Posts will begin in earnest on Thursday of this week. In the meantime, those of you with kids, that like kids, that teach kids, or are kids, head on over to The Crafty Crow at http://www.belladia.typepad.com/crafty_crow/ for fun crafts, great photos and links, and this week a cool giveaway for an apron pattern!

See you on Thursday!

PS. Went to the Ethiopian Culture Camp this past weekend, and had a fab time! We'll be saving our pennies for the whole weekend next year. Here are the girls in their new Ethiopian finery!

Congratulations America!

2009-01-25T13:50:00.008-05:00

Though I am fighting a horrible virus, I just have to quickly post and say how proud I am of my country. It is so inspiring that WE elected the man we wanted to represent us. The groundswell of excitement for Mr. Obama gave me goosebumps, and just when I was so tired of smug, rich, compromised white men pretending to stand for all of us - in walked a man that resonated with my very soul. I don't know him or his family personally. I was lucky enough to work for his campaign in my state, and to shake his hand with my youngest daughter when he came to New Hampshire in the very beginning. I have withstood questionable comments about my daughters' color, watched years of descrimination, segregation, the insidious undercurrent of racism in my section of the country, and "jokes" made even by my friends involving color, race, religion, or origin. But with this step of electing Mr. Obama, we have stepped beyond all of that. We have stepped out of the smog and into real light and possibility. I hope that that light can shine on the cockroaches that I know still exist among us, and expose them to what can be if we leave behind all of our jealosy and hate.

I'm proud of my country, and of our new president. Like I said, I don't know him personally, but I do know what he has given up to serve as our leader. I'm proud that there was a man that comes from a solid family and a foundation of community that wanted to lead us. I stand with you, Mr. Obama, and may all the subversive forces in the world step back in awe of the power of the people.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

2008-12-29T09:22:00.002-05:00

Hi all,

So sorry to have been absent for so long. Life has taken a busier turn, but I think I'm on a more even keel. Looking forward to a new year of regular posts and will include the following topics in the next month or so:

Racism/difference in public schools
How your child views race
Attachment disorder & book reviews
Solidifying your family's foundation

Sound interesting? I'm looking forward to discussing these topics, so get your typing fingers ready. In the meantime, have a very safe and happy New Year! See you in 2009! :)

Latest from Toad Cottage

2008-07-21T19:37:00.002-05:00

Hi all,

Life is whistling by with preparations for the parents' 50th anniversary party, so there has not been time to post about the deep subjects I've been hoping to post about. So, as a small commercial break, (please play Jeopardy music in your head while reading...) and for the A Little Bit Pregnant readers that wander over for proof of Sweetpea's existence, here are a couple of pictures.

Independence Day from Hair Horror

2008-07-04T19:08:00.005-05:00

Well, I know it is a definate and rather selfish departure from the discussion of diversity in schools I had planned, but today being Independence Day and all.....

A pair of lovely blogs I read (here: http://whoorl.com/ and here: http://mooshinindy.com/ ) are doing a fabulous contest and the randomly chosen winner gets a hair makeover! (I am not a lucky person, but still hold out hope that I will be made over into a long, curly haired person!) So, here is my entry.

Though I am loathe to admit it, here is what my hair looked like in my "Ugly Years". Now don't laugh because you know we all have them! Mine just lasted a bit longer than I would have hoped.

This one is me relatively recently, though I just had a run-in with a far too overzealous stylist enamored with razorcutting.

Now, I am aware that making over a short haircut is more than a challenge, but surely I can count on all of you to collectively cross your fingers that I might win this thing. I will offer my head in a no-holds-barred challenge. Honeybun has suggested going for a lively pink shade. Hmmmmm.

2008-06-12T19:24:00.003-05:00

Hello! No, I haven't been stolen by gypsies, joined the Foreign Legion, or disappeared into a crack in the earth. End of school, etc. has been keeping us hopping. So, in the meantime, until next week when life will slow down to less than warp speed, I've tweaked the montages and made them into DVD's . Take a peek here if you like.

Make an on-line slideshow at www.OneTrueMedia.com

and, of course, here.

Make video montages at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Next week I'll be addressing the issue of diversity (or lack of same) in NH public schools, and how we as parents/educators should deal with this. Lots to say on this and will be interested to see what others experienced and have to say. See you then! Meanwhile, my little girl is graduating from kindergarten on Monday! EEEEK! What happened to my teeny baby? Hard to believe that I can love my daughters this much and not explode with the force of 3 million super novas.

~B

2008-04-23T18:50:00.007-05:00

Urgent Breaking News:

Cool Hair Discovery!

What a week it's been! Ok, a couple of weeks but who's counting? Pardon me while I put a little 'X' for today on the calendar.

Well, after much research, Columbo-style investigation, gnashing of teeth, and general hysterics by the younger set here at Toad Cottage (We named our little house when we bought it after the gigantic toad that lives in our trash closet connected to the garage. He kindly lets us rent space in the closet to store our trashbags that await the lovely yellow truck collecting them once a week.), I have found hair products that truly work miraculously on my daughters' hair! (The bath water parted, light shone in a sparkling arc over the tub, and choirs of angels struck up a tune...) I stumbled upon a company called Mixed Chicks over at http://www.mixedchicks.net/curlyhairproducts.html and they generously sent me some samples. We received their shampoo, deep conditioner, and leave-in conditioner. Fabulous results ensued!!! Both girls love the scent. I'm very sensitive to smells so I was skeptical, but these products really smell darn good! We used the Mixed Chicks style suggestion and did Honeybun's hair in double twists, sat her under our "Beauty Shop dryer" (a pink table top dryer), and then let the twists go. She absolutely loved the ringlet style to her hairdo, and we kept it going for a whole week by putting a silk hairnet on her head at night. Sweetpea is going through another bout of tantrums and could only sit reasonably still for a ponytail. Oh well. I am ordering more of the Mixed Chicks products and recommend them very highly to those of you that have curly hair yourselves or Ethiopian children.

2008-04-20T07:53:00.001-05:00

Posting pictures for a friend, but will post for real later. I have lots to tell you! :)

2008-03-12T18:40:00.004-05:00

A Second Chance to Appreciate Everything

Got the call from my really wonderful surgeon today, and it is benign! Yahoooooooooooooooo!!! Thank you all so much for your good wishes, prayers and crossed fingers. Because of you and your sweet caring thoughts I have a second chance to appreciate you, my family and life alot more. Being scared out of one's wits also gives one an opportunity to consider what mark one is leaving on the world; I have considered mine to be a bit lacking and this blog might be a way to make a difference. So, my topic tomorrow (as tonight Hubby and I are celebrating with a fine Pinot Grigio and hors d'ouevres) will be beginning and maintaining a relationship with birth family. We've worked at that for the past 3 years and I'll be speaking about it at this year's ACONE conference April 5th in Westborough MA. Mind if I gather my thoughts with you? I could also use some advice on what about that topic particularly interests you or what you would want to hear more about.

Thank you again, my friends for thinking of me. I feel even stronger about supporting breast cancer patients, fund raising, hospices, etc. I'm lucky and I know that I dodged a bullet.

2008-03-07T20:26:00.002-05:00

Sorry kids, cannot concentrate. Breast biopsy is scheduled for monday morning and I just can't seem to focus on anything til' after I get the results. If you're the praying kind, please offer one for me? If not, I could really use your crossed fingers. Thanks, and I'll talk to you on Tuesday.

xoxo

2008-02-22T19:50:00.000-05:00

2008-01-21T14:37:00.000-05:00

Have been out due to several reasons: head injury on my part, exhaustion, kids sick, family stuff... I know, not valid reasons for being absent. I will post later this evening on the topic of Dr. King, racism, teaching this topic at kindergarten (or NOT), etc. Must talk with kindergarten teacher first as the school and admin. is not concerned about the effect of their little show on my daughter. (Yes, I am mad. Look out school folk! :) )

2007-11-04T16:44:00.000-05:00

Added some new stuff to the video montages before ordering DVD's for holiday gifts. Creative criticism?

Our Kalkidan 4/05-4/07

Our Freweyni 8/06-4/07

2007-10-31T13:19:00.000-05:00

Well, let me just say that Honeybun and Sweetpea had a lovely and sugarfilled Halloween! Though Sweetpea has not experienced the very American holiday, she got right into it and was running from house to house! :) Thankfully, they slept 30 minutes longer this morning so Mommy did not have to seek out her "Happy Place" too much.

More later tonight when I'm high on candy and the Teensies are asleep! Bye for now.......

2007-10-22T07:23:00.000-05:00

Go To Your Happy Place, Mommy.

My happy place, at least the one I keep in my head, is a lovely little cottage in a tropical paradise. And lots of lovely drinks served in pineapples! Let's just say that I need a looooooong vacation in my Happy Place. Sorry I've been incommunicado lately, but we've been dealing with teen issues. Teen issues, you say? Yes, our 5 yr. old has progressed to 16 yrs. old in just a few short months. We have a really devine combination of wild behaviour, testing testing testing, disrespecting mommy, lying, taking sister's clothes & hiding them... And all of this is iced with the usual Terrible Two's. Need I say more?Any ideas on consequences and raising your child to be a compassionate respectful one? We are not in the corporal punishment camp and far from the new agey habit of long explanations for misbehaviour, but need consequences that will mean something to them.

The hardest part of all of this is that Honeybun was such a loving, affectionate, sweet, respectful child before the arrival of SweetPea. They adore each other (most of the time) and play together nicely (again, most of the time), but now Honeybun treats her formerly beloved Mommy like dirt. I must admit, while it P.O.'s me it also hurts me deeply that our relationship has changed so drastically since last December. So, you moms of older children - is this normal behaviour? Or is it a hint of deeper issues that go unresolved. Please, I need advice.

Well, must go off with SweetPea to make buckets of crabapple butter. Will post more later this evening. Afterall, life isn't all dark clouds and rainstorms and I must fill you in on the good parts too!:)

2007-08-23T19:20:00.000-05:00

Ok, I'm awful. I hardly have time to breath, so I'm sorry not to have updated sooner. The pictures are:

Honeybun with her best friend from Quebec, Honeybun and Sweetpea in the hammock at the lake, Honeybun with the doll the ladies Hospital Guild made for her, and Sweetpea at our Ethiopian Picnic last week.

Things are going very well. Sweetpea's tantrums are few and far between and she seems to be understanding and speaking VERY well now. She's a bit jealous that Honeybun is starting Kindergarten this year, but was thrilled that she and I would have fun times alone too. Honeybun, meanwhile, is trying out the disrespectful tones (NOT working out quite the way she'd hoped...) and is basically getting all excited for school. She has grown out of every single article of clothing that she had in her dresser, so Saturday is school shopping day for the two of us.

I started an NH (southern Maine and northern MA included for the moment until they form their own groups) Ethiopia Adoptive Families Group. We had alot of positive responses but not so many actual members showing up. (Which is probably good for management of venue, etc.) Anyway, it looks to be a good and useful group; our next meeting will either be on hair/skin care or sibling rivalry issues. Also put together a small group for an Ethiopian Picnic. It was great and I've already reserved for next summer too! :)

FYI, I'm going to be raffling off 5 mosaic pieces in the next 12 months with the proceeds going to Ethiopian/African non-profits and charities. The first is planned for the Addis Fistula Hospital and will be a bust of an Ethiopian magical/shamanic princess. (Honeybun insisted it be a princess!) A subsequent piece will benefit the Mission of Hope School in Cameroon, and I am seeking other beneficiaries for the others. Any thoughts? Ideas? Suggestions?

More on these later, and a discussion of sibling issues we've experienced in the next post. Hope all are well and happy!

xoxo

2007-07-12T20:06:00.000-05:00

The Path to Insanity is Paved With Good Intentions...

So. I meant well when I promised that there was more to come. Honestly. My intentions were admirable, but life has gotten in the way. The kiddies are just snazzy and doing well. They are still exhibiting undeniably annoying behavior, but I'm assured by other moms of siblings that their antics are normal. And still annoying. :) The daily circus here at Toad Cottage (we have recently bought the house we have been living in for 10 years, and named it Toad Cottage because of the herds of toads hopping around constantly. Our yard teems with them and the larger of them, who I'm sure smoke and wear matching leather jackets, live under the garage.) includes Sweetpea waking at 5 am & then making darn sure that everyone is awake with her, up to 2 hour crying jags over fashion choices for the day from both Sweetpea and Honeybun, the traditional throwing of jelly covered bagels or spitting of cereal milk (guess who?), terrorizing the ancient kitty, screaming fights while mommy takes a blessed 5 minutes in the shower, etc. Frankly, I hear the strains of Barnum & Bailey's theme before I even open my eyes in the morning! The riot aside though, I adore my family and my daughters are the very light of my existence.

Healthwise, we have been on the upside, thank goodness. Sweetpea is actually swimming (In her floaty bathingsuit, but still swimming) and has had an "ouchy" ear lately. Dr. assures me it is not infected, so I've taught her the dancing on one foot while bending your head to drain ear trick. It is absolutely hysterical! Honeybun, having grown a foot in 2 years, is turning into quite the athlete. She's in tennis camp this summer and is really having a great time.

Rats, geriatric kitty is shrieking. Will have to return later. Meanwhile, here are a couple of pictures.....

2007-06-03T21:28:00.001-05:00

QUICK UPDATE...More to follow.......

Hi all,

Sorry to have been silent for so long, but things have been a bit hectic around here. The girls are wonderful except for the small issues (terrible two's are a mite too terrible at times, language frustration on the part of Sweetpea, core abandonment emotions and grief on the part of Honeybun since "losing her place" in her eyes, end of school, dance recital, etc. etc. etc.), and truly do love each other desparately. They are my gift from God and my angels. Here are a couple of pictures to tide you over. I'll talk to you more about the above tomorrow when I can locate my missing glasses. Certain little people like to try them on, you see, and I found them last in the cat's litterbox.

2007-03-24T20:43:00.000-05:00

The pictures are the girls playing dress-up and modeling their new bathingsuits Nana & Grumpa sent from Florida.

So, here I am. Fell asleep folding laundry and am skipping my scheduled duties (more on that later), but wanted to try posting regularly. I've gotten alot of questions about haircare for my daughters and have gotten to a point where I feel comfortable with our "system" thus far. We've gone through ALOT of shampoos & conditioners of every kind and price point! Since their particular Ethiopian hair is baby fine and curly the usual African American products are too heavy and thick, though the Motions line is pretty good. We've whittled down the pile to washing once with either Suave children's shampoo/conditioner or Creme of Nature shampoo, rinsing, and conditioning with a handful of Clairol Herbal Essence Conditioner with palm oil and Aussie 3 minute Miracle conditioner. I usually let Honeybun's conditioner set while I wash Sweetpea's or vice versa and then comb out while the conditioner is still in, rinse with lukewarm water and squeeze out excess water with a towel. After all that, we put in a palmful of Mizani Rose H2O conditioning hairdress (found at Trade Secret at the mall) and a bit of Burt's Bees Avocado Butter Pre-shampoo. It only takes a slight comb to work it in, and then we braid or ponytail, etc. The girls like 2 french braids the best and I find that with the after-conditioner stuff, the braids stay for a week. We don't wash anymore than once a week at most, as more often makes their hair and scalps super dry. Oh, also I squirt a bit of Burt's Bees Apricot Oil on their scalps with an eyedropper and work in every couple of days. So, there you go. All I know about hair. Needless to say, it's completely opposite of mine though I dream of having such lovely curls!

Potty training has quite honestly got me stumped. The teeny one is 2 yrs. old, and gets what the toilet is for etc., but frankly isn't that interested. Poor thing watches me flinch when I remove a po-po filled diaper and kisses me saying "Solly Mommy". I know that she is completely overwhelmed with new things/language/adjustment/etc. but, good grief, I'm sick of stinky diapers. Any advice? It's harder now as she is on antibiotics (Keflex) for an infected Molluscum (a wart like virus she got in Ethiopia), which gives her unbelievable diarrhea. Turns out that this one is a 'skin girl' meaning that all her illnesses are showing on her skin. Looks like we will be having a long relationship with a dermatologist. She will break out in little bumps all over her legs from lotion, itchy rash on butt and hips from bleach used to whiten disposable diapers, breaks out in rashes on her face (one had to be fought with antibacterial ointment as it turned into a staph infection from her scratching it at night) from oranges, etc. etc. etc.

I am still overtired and am convinced by looking in the mirror once a week or so that I have aged at least 20 years in the past month. I read an article recently that said 89% of moms admit that they have let themselves go since having children. Sadly, I am one of those moms. Have taken the proverbial bull by the horns though, and am getting a magnificent haircut tomorrow (thinking positively about the magnificent part) and will try try try to spice up my "look" from now on. Thank goodness we get our tax refund next week (Yay for the adoption tax credit!!!), so will have a bit of extra for new clothes buying. Have not figured out the sleep thing. I turned off the dreaded monitor, but still wake up about every hour to listen for breathing etc. Pathetic I know.

Tomorrow I am making Ethiopian food for the pre-school on Monday. I agreed to do an Ethiopian Day with pictures, stories, examples of money/spices/clothing/etc, as well as Ethiopian food for snack. We did not, as I had planned, go to Boston for Injera, so will have to deal with pita bread. :( Oh well. I'm making Ambasha Bread (sweet bread), Gommen Wat (spinach stew), and Shiro (chickpea stew). Cannot wait to fill the house with those delicious smells!!! MMMMMMMmmmmmmmm. Suddenly very hungry... hold on.......................................................... Aaaaaah, will have to hold off the need for Ethiopia food tonight with the help of a hot cross bun.

Meanwhile, the girls are now getting along much better. They are so cute kissing each other and hugging when we leave Honeybun off at school or before bed. It gives my heart a jolt to see how deeply they love each other already. Sweetpea is very very affectionate and her inner comedienne self is getting stronger each day. It is completely hilarious to see her give this long dissertation in mangled Amharic, toddler gibberish, and very mangled English and then fall on the floor laughing at how funny it was! Our daughter the comic.

Oh, and the duties I'm skipping... was putting together a foam board of pictures and stuff for Ethiopia Day at shcool. It will have to wait until tomorrow.

2007-03-08T20:26:00.000-05:00

Procrastination, thy name is me.

Okay, so "Anonymous" has shamed me into finally posting. I must admit that being the mom of two has taken it's toll on me, and I have merely been procrastinating. You see, my only time to myself is after the sweeties go to sleep (7:30 pm), but by then I am exhausted and opt to relax over a graham cracker with icing or something similar instead of update the blog. Sorry, but sugar has so far beaten chatting with you. Well, not anymore! I have taken the bull (me after many weeks of eating graham crackers with icing...) by the horns and will put my nose to the grindstone. Actually I got a completely wonderful email today from a reader that told me that my blog and story was the only thing that got her through a rough time in Addis picking up her own child. Can't tell you how touched I am that 1. She reads my blog and really got something helpful from it, and 2. That she is sweet enough to write and tell me. Thank you, Reader, and I will respond to you via email.

Someone asked me to elaborate on the horror of my stay in Addis, so I'll give a few extra details. As I've told you, my daughter hated my guts from the getgo and the entire stay was heartwrenching. She would scream bloody murder if I came near her and writhe as if being murdered slowly if I tried to hold her. My sister traveled with me, thank goodness, and was treated the very same by her little niece. When we were able to see our Ethiopian family mid-stay, it was wonderful to see them (we are in love with our daughters' grandmother and are treated as true family members by extended family and friends) but it was also very very traumatic. On our first trip, we did not get the chance to meet the birthmom as she opted out of the visit - which I completely understand. This time, she chose to meet us and is a really great young woman that obviously adores her children. Meeting my children's birthmother combined with the fact that their grandmother is terminally ill with a disease that could at least be treated and her life extended here just about broke my sister and I. The grandmother served us an enormous buffet of delicious foods (which I'm sure wiped her out financially) and came to the guest house to see us the day before we left. She cried, hugged me, and apologized for being ill. She said that she prayed to God every day to be able to watch her girls grow up via pictures and to be able to visit them at home one day. That visit nearly killed me. We supported this fine and regal lady through the baby while she was living with her family, and now will continue to support her privately so that she can purchase the medicines and care she desparately needs. For those of you that pray, please say one for this lovely lady. She lives to take care of others near her that are ill, gives the food right off her own plate (which isn't much) to those that ask, and blesses those that took her granddaughters half a world away. I am very lucky to know her.

Deep breath. Okay, that over with...please ask me questions if you need more info on the trip or Sweetpea's demeanor there. I think that my experience with her is more typical than the immediate bonding and connection to Honeybun. Needless to say, now Sweetpea is a different little girl. Her personality has really blossomed, she smiles all the time, thinks she is the funniest thing in the world, and loves her family deeply and we cherish her. I was a tad freaked out at first as she is a 2 yr. old and I have NO experience with that age; also because Honeybun was exhibiting some serious jealousy. It's been a wierd jealosy though in that she wants to be the mom almost, gets mad that Sweetpea wants me to hold her if she's hurt or upset instead of Honeybun, doesn't like me to hold Sweetpea at all, argues with me over e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g, and has been having nightmares. I initially was very worried for Honeybun and was afraid I had ruined our perfect little unit with a competing child. Turns out her behaviour is very normal. Alot of her "stuff" is from core abandonment issues that were buried deep deep deep, and I'm sort of glad this all happened because it's given me the opportunity to confront her issues and talk them through as well as do some cuddle therapy. It's taken some serious talks over and over and over of "I will never stop being your mom; I will never stop loving you; Nothing will ever make me stop loving you; I will never leave you; etc. etc." I also think that it's really helped that we've never even slightly made her choose between us and our Ethiopian family, but have instead worked hard to incorporate them into our daily lives and make us one big group. It's helped Sweetpea too, to look at pictures of all of us, talk about all of us, send letters and pictures to family all over the world, etc.

I've probably already told you all of this before and am just too lazy and unfocused to reread previous posts, so feel free to click over to E online or something if you're bored. Update on the girls... Honeybun is loving her last year of preschool. She didn't make kindergarten this year because her birthday is in December, so just registered for next year. She is growing more beautiful everyday, and still exudes the explosion of joy she always has. She adores her little sister. Sweetpea is all over the place. Like any 2 yr. old, she is into everything, draws on the walls with markers, pulls the cat's tail, is starting to get the whole potty training thing finally, and idolizes her big sister. They both eat like horses and are growing like crazy. Once we got rid of her Giardia, Sweetpea is finally putting on some weight and growing. That was a challenge! Honeybun has grown almost 9 inches and 14 pounds in less than 2 years since coming home. They cannot stand to have their hair washed (though I've remedied that by having them lie on the kitchen counter and washing it in the sink with our little sprayer), have very dry skin with eczema patches and rashes (I've made a salve that seems to work!), and have more energy than any other child I have met (it is focused not like ADD). Hard to believe that 3 yrs ago we were mourning our lost baby and wondering what we were here for. We were always destined to be mom and dad to these two angels, and now we are all Home and happy at last.

2007-02-01T19:54:00.000-05:00

An update is coming on the weekend. Lots to tell you, but am too tired to type. Here are a couple of photos to tide you over!

2007-01-30T19:53:00.000-05:00

THERE ARE ANGELS ON THIS EARTH...

and I have found them. They all seem to read a wonderful blog written by another angel that I am fortunate to call my friend http://www.alittlepregnant.com/. This particular angel, the Michaelangelo of quilts, blessed with a very sharp wit, an adorable child, and a very large heart made the exquisite quilt pictured above and offered to raffle it off to help bring my darling Sweetpea home. I am speechless at her selfless compassion for us and for Sweetpea, as without her we don't think we could have brought Sweetpea back to her sister. Honestly. The funds just weren't there. This angel called upon her angel pals and they all bought tickets for a chance to win the beautiful quilt. I was and still am completely awestruck at the generosity and love that you all showed to us - a family that you never met. Now I realize that the quilt itself is absolutely devine, but the comments from you on her blog were so beautiful that thinking of them still make me cry. All of you angels have forever changed our family. Sweetpea is now a healthy, happy, loving, and joyful little girl that basks in the overwhelming love of her big sister and can sleep easy knowing that her mom and dad will never leave her alone again. Thank you to all of you that helped our family. We can never repay you all, but will 'pay it forward' and hope that we can do something great in your name. Please know that you all make up a quilt amazingly more beautiful than the one my angel made that will keep us warm for years to come. Blessings on all of you and love from our family to yours.

I will try to update you all on our newest daughter & her sister regularly, as well as let you know how I will continue your generosity. Thank you all so much.

2007-01-06T21:34:00.000-05:00

2007-01-04T21:17:00.000-05:00

Finally, an update from an exhausted mom of two...

I am home with my daughters and husband (and geriatric cat), but best of all I am home. I actually flew into Boston on the 10th of December, but could barely remember my name (you will see why below) so did not get to posting until today.

On the 2nd day of December, my sister and her boyfriend came to pick me up at home. We thought that it would be easier for Honeybun to just wave out the window like we do when I go to a meeting and the like. Hah. It was fine dragging my suitcases out to the car. Fine when I kissed DH and Honeybun and hugged them like a condemned prisoner hugs their loved ones. Fine when I got into the car. Fine when we backed out of the driveway. Then, as we drove away, Honeybun took off across the lawn screaming for me to come back. DH held her tight as she sobbed and fell on the grass. That is the image I had in my mind the whole trip. I can't tell you how much I missed my family from the moment I left until the moment I ran to them and hugged them in the airport on the 10th of December.

Ok, so I must pare down my descriptions or this will take a year to tell. The flights were ok, despite my thoughts of firey crashes (I am a seasoned traveller with years of extensive flying under my belt. It's different somehow when you have a family. Perhaps I have become a travel wimp.) I would not fly with British Airways again, however, though the staff was polite and friendly the company is awful. Schedules mean nothing and they would not feed my child. More on that later. Since our travel dates were changed to the most busy time of year for travel to Ethiopia by the agency, we had to pay a thousand dollars more per ticket and the time schedule sucked. Pardon the expression, but it did. We had a 10 hour layover in London on the way over, which generally would mean that one might be able to see a bit of merry old England or at least have lunch. Hah. Terminal 4 at Heathrow is in a league of it's own, security takes 3 hours in or out, leaving us with no choice but to risk missing a flight or staying in the terminal. Believe me there is not 10 hours worth of stuff to do in Terminal 4. For those dumb enough or desparate enough to fly this way, the terminal does have a place called The Holodeck that is a kind of rest spot/snack spot/computer connection spot. Problem is it costs about $30 per person for 4 hours. Needless to say, after 4 hours walking/sitting/shopping/eating junk we were willing to pay it. We comandeered a room upstairs with a lovely view of the runways and slept as much as we could. For me that was not at all, but my sister got to doze a bit. Flew through Egypt and over the Valley of the Kings (by this point, not having slept in 26 hours, I was thinking 'screw the Valley of the freaking Kings - GET ME TO ADDIS!') and into Addis at 4:25 am their time. Miraculously we were rather cheerful, in a bit of a hysterical way, but were nevertheless thrilled to see the agency driver (Mulat, an absolutely great guy that we met the first time and who loved Honeybun before she came to the US with us) there holding a little sign with our names on it. Got to the guest house at 5:15 am and fell into our bed (yes, we had to share an enormous bed) to sleep until 1:00 pm that day. Not enough, but ok.

Got up and were served a lovely meal by Sinadu, the cook at the guest house. She's a lovely woman, a very very good cook, and a person that I am lucky to have become friends with. Good thing my meal had settled a little though I was so excited to see my daughter, because very shortly after I downed my third glass of pinapple juice the van arrived from the children's home. My daughter was carried in by her loving nanny (who, I might add, referred to Sweetpea as her child). The very kind nanny tried to hold her out to me, I reached out for her with love in my heart, and she immediately began screaming and writhing like she was going to be killed. I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. The nanny then forced her into my arms and ran to the van, which took off. Yes, I was the evil white lady that had come to take her from her family. Again. Long story short: the whole week was like this. She was to stay at the guest house with us, but hated us from the get-go. My sister and I were despised, no matter what we did. The families that travelled at the same time and stayed at the guest house with us were truly lifesavers, and held us close for comfort. I will always be grateful to all of them. Each night I emailed DH and Honeybun, and each night I wanted to call the airline and go home. Honestly, I felt (and I think my sister did too) that we were making a huge mistake, but decided to keep on going and try again to get through to the poor little girl. On the fourth day, she let me hold her, but only for a second.

I will not bore you with all the details. If you want to hear it, comment to me with your email and we can chat privately. Instead, here's a bit of advice for those going, planning to go, thinking of going, or just interested:
1.) Communicate with the in-country staff before going to find out about your child/children's personality and attachments or lack of. This will at least enable you to do some research and prepare yourself for possible problems.
2.) Read read read about developmental stages and toddler adoption. Not all the info out there is relevant to you or pertinent to your case, but it is helpful to be over prepared.
3.) Try to get LOTS of rest before travelling. Though it is an exciting time, get much more rest than you need beginning a month before travel. I didn't and I don't even remember what a good night's sleep is like.
4.) Pay whatever you have to to get business class. It is worth every penny.
5.) Whatever you find in Ethiopia, and whatever the emotional condition of your child, it will turn around 100% when you arrive home.
6.) No matter how tired you are, how much you feel like heaving said child out the cargo door of the plane after 12 loooong hours of screaming, or how shattered your heart is with rejection, keep on going. Give that extra hug or kiss. Speak softly and confidently despite holding a child rigid with tantrum-itis.
7.) I would not trade a second of my journey for anything. My baby is a sweet loving child that melts me when she reaches out for me to hold her or softly strokes my face as she goes to sleep.

The flights home were... interesting. We should have known something was off when we stood in line at the Addis airport check-in and the entire airport lost power! Barely made it to the plane (ran like the wind to our gate) and then off we went to stopover in Egypt. Sweetpea began screaming (and I mean with the pitch and decibel level of an opera singer in NYC trying to reach an audience in Kirgistan without benefit of audio enhancement). Smooth flights despite the shrieking child lashed to my body (Quick plug for the Ergo carrier. It was great.) and glided into Alexandria. While waiting for the plane to reload food and other passengers and continuous plodding back and forth in the isle with said child, a sweaty man boarded and sat fortunately (remember the power outage in Addis...) directly in front of our row. After a period of 2 minutes or so, the sweaty man became a projectile vomiting man and spread his previously ingested breakfast all over our carryon luggage. Of course, the plane, which was inching toward the runway at the time, hightailed it back to the gate area and stopped. We were informed that the man would be deplaned only when a dr. could examine him. Guess they would not let him off if he was, say, carrying the plague or something. Lovely. Finally got him off and sent in a poor guy with a bag of rags and what looked like Egyptian Pinesol. After an hour and a half of cleaning, we took off in a plane scented with vomit and Pinesol. Got to London - very late, booked it off the plane, ran to our other gate, and found that the flight to Boston had been delayed. Again, we were stuck in Terminal 4 at Heathrow. Too much, we'd had it, broke down, comforted each other as much as possible, called our families and sat down to wait. Finally finally finally, we boarded, took off and arrived in Boston 8 blessedly quiet (Sweetpea finally cried herself out and slept) hours later at midnight. She was very squirmy and whimpering and I prayed hard that she would hold off until we were away from the airport. I have to tell you I was surprised when we spotted Honeybun and DH, ran to them, and she quited right away and clung to Honeybun. (She had seen pictures of Honeybun for the past year and a half in her grandmother's house in Addis, so knew who her sister was.) They held hands from their respective carseats all the way home.

I was prepared for the worst when we took Sweetpea home. After the horrible time in Addis, after being rejected every single day, after having her choose to be held and loved by anyone else but me, after the screaming fits on the plane, she is a lovely, funny, affectionate child. Her personality is beginning to blossom, and she obviously loves her family. We are experiencing the typical sibling things along with the love of two sisters, and have been dealing with some sleep issues (thus my reason for not calling the people I so badly want to talk to = literally no sleep and absolutely no focus due to that) but also are cherishing our newly expanded family.

2006-12-18T20:01:00.000-05:00

Hi all,

Sorry I have not posted yet, and will post the whole story but must wait a bit until I have brain function. We still seem to be on Ethiopia time, so I'm running on about 1.5 or 2 hrs. of sleep a night. Not enough. Hopefully will have more energy and powers of concentration in a couple of days. Meanwhile, the little one is a treasure and adores her big sister. The big sister adores her baby sister right back, but is experiencing some jealousy issues. Hmmmm. More later. Here are a couple of pictures to tide you over! The christmas one is one of 10 that are either blurry, girls looking like refugees from a mental intitution, picking noses, fighting, etc. Oh well. Will try again later. haha The first picture is at 2:30 am the night we got in from the airport! They sure look better than I did!

2006-11-30T10:14:00.000-05:00

WE LEAVE TOMORROW FOR ETHIOPIA!

2006-11-09T18:45:00.000-05:00

WE HAVE TRAVEL DATES!!!

Yep, it's true. Finally, after a million new gray hairs, we got a call today telling us that we must be in Addis on the 4th of December for an embassy appt.

Here's the kicker.... now, don't get me wrong - I am supremely grateful for dates. However, because of the delay we are now traveling during the high season for Ethiopian travel. Flights are mostly completely booked leaving us with the choice of paying nearly $1000 more per ticket for business class or staying 2 weeks. Honeybun is so upset at me leaving and after a looooooong talk with a child psychologist, we've decided to streeeeeeeeetch our teeny finances and take the higher fare. I can't be traveling on Honeybun's birthday. Just can't do it.

I am grateful for my 2nd daughter, can't wait to get my mommy hands on her, can't wait to see the girls united finally, and love both of my princesses, but I cannot wait to be done with our agency. I'm so very disappointed in their practices of late and their disorganization. It makes me sad to know that the children are suffering due to their cavelier attitude.

On a happier note, here's a picture of Honeybun after carving her very first pumpkin, and one of Sweetpea just 2 weeks ago taken by a wonderful mom that went to get her own child!

2006-11-02T19:45:00.000-05:00

Frustration Mounts

Amazingly, I'm still incredulous that this process is so frustrating. Though I went through it not a year and 1/2 ago, I somehow expected the experience to be similar. It isn't. As you know, this time its been fairly challenging financially for us and we are doing everything we can to make it doable. That said, I had a conversation with the agency yesterday. I have reserved tickets for me and my sister to go to Addis on the 25th of November. (The agency had previously told me that it was 90% chance of going to Ethiopia then.) After a discussion with our travel agent, who can get us a missionary rate to Addis and back, I found that without at least 2 weeks notice I'll get reamed for tickets. When I called the agency for a more solid idea of whether that date was it, do you know what they told me? That they really wished they could be more helpful, but they would not know anything until the Ethiopian staff called them. That they did not expect a call until November 13th. NOVEMBER 13TH!!!!!?????????!!!!!! I calmly asked her if she was aware of our situation, and that we were trying to save as much as possible........etc. etc. etc. She said, as I heard paper crackling in the background, that there was nothing to be done and I would have to just wait. I'm sure I had steam rising from the top of my head and broke down in tears after cutting off the call. I was, unfortunately, in the parking lot of Lowe's so had to pull it together. I'm so tired of keeping my game face on and 'going with the flow' that I could scream! The agency has changed so much since last year (when my dear friend left the agency), and now I feel like we're just a check to them. It's a sad sad way to feel when your child or children are at stake.

Got more recent pictures, though, of our little Sweetpea. Here she is. I so want to hug her.

2006-10-20T18:49:00.000-05:00

Postponed again.

I was informed by the agency that I will not travel until the 25th of November. Yep, that's right - Thanksgiving Day. Can you imagine the delays, crowds, and cost involved in traveling on the holiday? I tell you, I am counting the minutes until this is done and I don't have to deal with anyone about my child anymore. I'm sure you can imagine what nasty thoughts are whirling around in my overtired/overly frustrated/over everythinged brain. When I explained that she has bonded to a nanny there and, according to a psychologist I spoke to, the longer that she is there at her age and developmental stage and more securely bonding to the nanny, the more adjustment issues she will have here. Nice. My poor little girl. She will not spend Thanksgiving with us giving thanks for her, nor will she spend her 2nd birthday with her big sister.

2006-10-18T10:55:00.000-05:00

LOST IN PREPARATION.....

Sorry to have been silent for so long. It's rather amazing that life can spin out of control in a mere 48 hours if you let it! Certainly not bad - out of control, just frustrating/procrastinating/getting-nothing-done-though-I-seem-to-be-busy out of control. I've also decided not to refer to my darling daughters as #1 & #2 (seems a tad chilly), and so from this day forward DD#1 will be called Honeybun and DD#2 will be called Sweetpea. Just so you know. :)

First a quick update: I have a tentative travel date of November 10th, and though I will try like heck to make travel arrangements that can be changed I won't hold my breath quite yet. I must admit that it kind of ticks me off that the agency only gives a couple weeks notice, as the ticket prices then are HUGE. I tried to make my case with the program director yesterday, but was pretty much spitting into the wind. Anyway, there you go. A few families are going in the next 2 weeks, and they have very kindly offered to take some pictures. I miss my little daughter! Honeybun has decided that Sweetpea will share her room (she knows that we painted the blue sky/grass & flowers motif just for her and does NOT want to give it up!), so we will have to cram 2 twin beds into that one. Of course nothing else will fit besides the 2 beds, so thank goodness there are built in drawers in the wall! We'll see how long Honeybun and Sweetpea will want to share.

A reader has asked me to tell a bit about adopting a pre-schooler, so here are a few thoughts. Before adopting Honeybun, I thought that an "older" child would be too hard, come with too much baggage, have trouble attaching, etc. but I'm happy to tell you that thus far none of that has come to pass. Honeybun is very well adjusted, bonded to us like cement, and seems to be relaxed and unpacking her baggage a bit at a time. Puffing out my chest, raising my chin, and smiling that self satisfied smile, I feel that some of this success is due to the way we as parents have tackled the whole situation. While we have never been the types to go for new-age parenting (ie. co-sleeping, long explanations for discipline, no TV, etc.), we have settled in to a modified team approach to family life. Everyone has a say, we have family discussions, all are able to make their opinion known, etc. but in the end we as parents have the final yea or nay. This has worked for us because Honeybun is a very emotionally mature child, and is very articulate. That said, she is a typical 5 yr. old and is trying out all the usual bossiness, anger, selfishness and crazy energy. We feel that since she was 3 1/2 when we went to get her we were able to communicate better as she was old enough to understand a bit about emotion and vocal intonation. I like that she was her own personality when we met her, and so brings Ethiopian-ness (if I can make up my own word) to our now 2 continent family.

Since she was old enough as well to know and remember her family, we had been afraid that the separation would be too traumatic blah blah blah. However, we sort of fell into a modified open international adoption that I would very strongly recommend to anyone adopting any age of child. At first Honeybun's language challenges didn't enable her to pass along anything, but only a few months after her arrival, she began telling me stories of when she lived with her grandmother. I've written these down so that she'll have them as she grows, because memories fade and already her inner "scrapbook" is almost too faint to access. Our invitation and openness about her memories has been good for her I think, as she now knows that she can speak freely about it to either one of us. We've worked hard at combining our families, and always talk about our Ethiopian-American family, send piles of pictures and holiday gifts to Ethiopia, and have recieved several cherished packages from our Ethiopian relatives. Notice that I said OUR Ethiopian relatives. It has been crucial for us to relate to them this way, and so we've become as attached to them as Honeybun is. I'm so looking forward to seeing them when I go to get Sweetpea! Well, enough patting myself on the back. It has worked for us, and I hope will continue to. I keep a journal of sorts where I have been writing Honeybun a letter each month or so telling her how I feel about her, things she's done or said that I want her to remember, etc. When she's a teen and going through the angst of being a teen/being adopted/being different than most of her white friends, it might help to be able to read about how deeply she has been loved from the moment I held her and how proud I am of her/her heritage/our family.

2006-10-02T18:49:00.000-05:00

Time's a wastin' and I'm just procrastinatin'. With prose like that, I can't imagine why I'm not a published author.

Ok, last night I dreamed that the agency called and gave me 2 weeks to travel to Ethiopia. Needless to say, I woke up in a cold sweat mathematically working out in my head how I will fit 4 rooms worth of stuff and furniture into 2 rooms. I exaggerate a bit, but I still have our "library" set up with all the books and junk that goes with that in the girls' new playroom. That one needs to be cleaned out, painted light pink with yellow woodwork and Tinkerbells. Their new bedroom is still serving as home office for me, and needs to be cleaned out, painted (same theme as DD#1's former room: blue skies, grass border, dragonflies, ladybugs, flowers, etc. with white clouds and glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling), and furnished. We have a small cape so you can imagine the challenge of fitting regular human sized furniture into matchbox sized rooms. On a good note (albeit a somewhat 'detail oriented' one), I am nearly packed for the trip!

I also decided to shed my extra poundage or at least get into reasonably good shape so that I won't pass out when required to carry my new 27 pound weight around for a week. It is now that I have become best friends with the Three Musketeers. They are delicious. They, however, are not helping me with my goal. It's hard to lose when your friends only want to feed you.

2006-09-21T09:24:00.000-05:00

The Countdown to Travel!

Well, we finally got the medical report from Ethiopia regarding DD#2's recent illness. She had a "hyperactive airway" (english translation = wheezing) and was given Ventolin. Don't know alot about that drug or the whole situation other than that, but our pediatrician reassured me that there's nothing to worry about. Anyway #2 was never in the hospital, thank goodness, but just treated there.

So, everything is in to the agency, we were approved by US CIS in a record setting 4 days, the dossier is off the Addis Ababa, and we are just waiting for a travel date. I'm so excited to go to Ethiopia again, but wow will I miss DH and DD#2! I'm not sure that I will be able to be away from them for an entire week, but since I will be an ocean away guess I'll have to adjust. haha Now I'm looking for a cellphone that I can use from Ethiopia and am having a very challenging time. Hmmm. If anyone knows anything about this subject, I'd love to hear it! Packing up donations, etc. and have collected some lovely/fun decorations for the children's homes. The coordinator at the agency told me that the walls are stark and the babies have nothing in their cribs, so at least I have something specific to look for. I've been looking at the baby einstein mobiles (nonbattery operated), but good grief those things are expensive!!! How do you guys with babies do it?

2006-09-07T15:17:00.000-05:00

I'm very scared. Our agency just called to let us know that our sweet DD#2 is sick. She may or may not have been in the hospital (now in the children's home) and they don't know any other details. I just want to go and get her NOW. Please send positive and healthy thoughts her way?

2006-09-05T07:47:00.001-05:00

Why is it that when I decide I must lose flab and get into shape, it is right then that I eat more? I came to the conclusion (albeit late) last week that I must get into shape so that I don't pass out carrying our newest darling daughter home from Ethiopia. That very same day I ate an entire package of Twizzlers. Is it some biological defect where the word 'diet' or 'excersize' signals my brain to stuff as much fattening food as possible into my gaping maw? Is it a physio-psychological defect caused by exposure to Twinkies and Spacefood Sticks as a child? Or, sadly, is it just a severe lack of willpower on my part? I'm leaning towards the latter. I type this as I sit waiting for a double batch of fresh blueberry muffins to finish baking.

On the adoption front, we go tomorrow to get our fingerprints done! Yay! DD #1 is very excited at the possibility of fingerprints, due to watching Harriet The Spy 12,000 times. Hoping that we are approved asap! We are still trying to clean out our homeoffice, which will soon be the girls' room. It's turning out to be quite a job, as we are a family of packrats. Really, how much craft supply stuff does one family need? Not more than 3 boxes surely. So this week is the week to finish cleaning out the room. Then next week we will paint. DD#1 has decided that it must be a duplicate of her old room: blue walls with white clouds, grass and flowers along the bottom, butterflies and dragonflies on walls, and stars on the ceiling. Wish me luck.

Now, on another subject... a friend of mine brought up an interesting subject on her blog http://sometimeswedo.blogspot.com/ about when another girl or girls are mean to or don't like your daughter. This is a subject close to my heart as I was one of those girls that others were mean to and I know that my daughters, only because they look different than the lilywhite folks around here, will experience it as well. Fortunately I was able to 'turn the other cheek' so to speak, and just move on to my other friends. I can't tell you that it didn't hurt though, and frankly even now I can feel the sting of those first rejections. I've tried to raise DD#1 (and will try with DD#2) with a strong sense of self, compassion for others, and the ability to stand up for herself. I continue to try not to react with anger or beligerance when faced with a negative comment or action. We've both tried to be nonjudgemental around her, which is sometimes hard because we have been judgemental in the past. DD#1 is such a beautiful and pure soul that I would rather kill or be killed than to snuff that, and I will fight tooth and nail not to let others do it either. That's why I want her to have a sense of who she is and what is important. We've faced a bully already (hard to believe that it was in preschool, but guess they're everywhere) and I've gotten her to see that he must be in pain or sad to have to make others feel so bad and to be so mean. I hope that is the right way to handle it. Any thoughts?

2006-08-31T20:49:00.000-05:00

YAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Got our fingerprint appointment for next week! Time has been running up to a month for approval, so everyone cross their fingers please. Here is another adorable picture of our littlest girl.

2006-08-30T06:21:00.000-05:00

I know, it's been way too long since my last update and even that was rather pathetic. Have to admit, I've never been very good at waiting so this waiting to go to Ethiopia is practically killing me! We've sent everything in to the agency and are now waiting (yes, that horrible word again!) for US Immigration to approve and fingerprint us. Wouldn't you know that our last fingerprints just expired?! Now, generally speaking, one would think that fingerprints would not have changed in a year, nor would a fairly boring couple from rural NH have spent that year honing our skills as white slavers or international jewel thieves. Our tax dollars hard at work.

So, in the mean time...I am trying to wade through all the junk/stuff/crap in our office (soon to be the girls' bedroom: pink with Tinkerbell on the walls) so that I can paint it next week. I hope you are crossing your fingers for me since I will need all the help I can get to focus and finish it! Well, I will add some more details later, but am preparing for a playdate with the very popular Nicholas this morning. Must shower and convince the Princess to change out of her cheerleader pajamas.

Here are a few more pictures of our new daughter that a very lovely and generous friend (Julie) took while she was in Addis last week. Thanks Julie!

2006-08-15T19:48:00.000-05:00

This is our small video montage of our newest darling, coming home in October! More on that later, but take a look at our sweet Freweyne at
Kaly's Baby Sister, Freweyne.......

2006-07-15T19:36:00.000-05:00

Preparations...

We are counting down now to mid september when the Ethiopian courts open. I should say that we are counting down until all our paperwork is in to US immigration for approval and then the package is off to Ethiopia for court procedures. Truly, we can't wait to see our new little girl and DD#1 is waaaaaaay too excited!

Meanwhile, life goes on. Yesterday and today were spent at the beach with a Quebec family we met at the beach last summer. They come every year and we have daughters the same age. They are lovely people and we all wish they lived a bit closer. The picture at the top is of the two girls jumping waves. Next summer we will have two daughters jumping waves with their canadian friend!

2006-07-10T20:59:00.000-05:00

My video montage of DD#1's first year home

She's a joy. We're in Heaven. And now I've set it to music! :) (Just click on 'Our Kalkidan')

Our Kalkidan

2006-07-09T20:49:00.000-05:00

About the Life Book thing...

Forgot to tell you about that! As a bookbinder, I am planning to hand bind the Life Book myself. I am, at this point, using a program called Storyteller to create the book, but so far am just playing to see if it will take shape the way I "see" it. It begins with the photos we have from DD#1's family and will be about her life with them including the few details we know. She has told us some memories that I'll include in italics. Then will include a letter I wrote to our child before the referral and the referral picture we got of her. Will put in some of our preparations for her, trip tickets, etc., emails that we sent home while we were there, photos of Horizon House and all the people there, etc. and photos of her first year at home. I will put narrations on each page and perhaps quotes from family. The intention is for it to be flat pages and not the scrapbooking type, as I want her to be able to look at it until it falls apart! I hope to have DD#1's book finished by the time we go to Ethiopia for DD#2.

If you've done a Life Book for your child, please tell me what kind of stuff you're doing or have done.

2006-07-08T20:24:00.000-05:00

Preserving our daughters' heritage and Lifebook creation:

I've been asked many times what we are doing to help our daughter keep her heritage, know more about her biological family, and give her something of her own that chronicles her life before us. Very good questions all, and these are subjects that every adoptive family wrestles with. We chose to be very open about the creation of our family, and I think it has worked out very well. DD#1 asked me if she grew in my tummy, and I said no. I said that she was my child and God told me where to find her; that her Ethiopian family was our family too and that we all loved her so much; that we are lucky to have such a large family now in 4 countries! We make and eat Ethiopian food often, talk about Ethiopian art and culture, express pride in Ethiopia and that our family is Ethiopian, and play Ethiopian music in the house and car. We've also maintained a close relationship with her grandmother in Ethiopia, sending small gifts that DD#1 has made, drawings, and many many photos. She, in return, has sent us letters and cards which we cherish and will put in DDs' books. Many adoptive moms-to-be seem to get sort of freaked out about having to share parenthood, and feel that their role as mom might be threatened if they maintain any relationship with the biological family. Those thoughts did go through my mind before my daughter arrived in my life, but now I see that in my eyes, in her eyes, in the eyes of the law both here and there and the eyes of her Ethiopian family - she is my daughter and I am her mother. The open appreciation of the love and care her Ethiopian family gave to her that we show both to our daughter and to them has only solidified our roles as her parents.

Also, I began writing her letters in a blank journal book about a month after she arrived. I've been telling her about things she's said and done, memories of Ethiopia she has told me, our feelings about her, etc. My plan is to give the book to her when she is 16 or whenever she needs to peek into my mind and heart for guidance or stability.

2006-07-08T20:08:00.000-05:00

Well, due to a 2nd comment on my blog (which I was absolutely sure that no one ever read), I guess I must post a little more often than once a month! haha I must admit that I find it hard to put into print the thoughts that are racing around my head. Never could keep a diary or journal really, as I was always afraid I'd write something that would hurt someone's feelings if they read it when I was dead. How "middle-child" is that?!? Ok, so here goes....

Darling daughter #1 is such a miracle. She is constantly amazing us, her extended family, friends, the many acquaintances she collects every day, etc. with her increasing compassion, joy, love and downright smarts. (Any opportunity Daddy and I had of spelling "secrets" is now gone with the wind. She spells. She adds and subtracts. We are in deep trouble.) Just when I think that I will literally explode from loving her so much, I feel like something injects more. Mommyhood is amazing and very very humbling. It can also be frustrating, which you've been telling me all along. :) She is 4 1/2, which explains alot I suppose, but man o man I am not looking forward to next year when she is 16!!! We asked her if she wanted her baby sister to come and live with us, and she got tears in her eyes. Yes yes yes! Thank goodness. While I'm very glad we organize our family as a team where everyone gets a say, I don't know what we'd have done if she'd said no thanks! Now she's planning on having dollhouse bunkbeds, like our friends built for their daughters (Thanks alot! You know who you are!!!!). Hope we can squeeze them into the room!

Darling daughter #2 (in the photo above) is FINALLY in the baby home, thank goodness! She had been sent back to her grandmother due to a positive Hep B test, but subsequently had a negative test. Why they would send her back to an unsafe environment I don't know, but she is there now so I will concentrate on that. We are toiling away trying to get our paperwork done, but I fear that it won't be in time. You see, the Ethiopian courts close in August until mid-September so it looks like we won't travel until October. Breaks my heart that our baby will have to wait that long, but I guess it gives us more time to stock up the cash we'll need for the final payment to the agency and travel costs. She is absolutely adorable and looks quite a bit like her big sister!

2006-05-26T15:14:00.000-05:00

Only a quickie, and will write more later, but we got the news today that Freweyne is now at the baby home and available for adoption! EEEEEK! Better get our ducks in a row with all the paperwork and $$$ QUICK! Very very exciting!!!!
:)

2006-05-04T21:17:00.000-05:00

Quick update, as per orders from reader. (You know who you are, darling! :))

Sadly, the agency refuses to decrease the fees. This, as you know, may be a deal breaker, but we will toil on to find some way to finance Freweyne's homecoming. I was told by a very spiritual person today that we were meant to be a family and to trust that the $$ will come. Hmmmm. Powerball is not complying. We are still trying though, and wading through the paperwork yet again.

2006-04-21T19:14:00.000-05:00

Spring has sprung and I find myself looking at babies with a renewed interest! Good grief, I thought after our loooooooong struggle to find Kali that a baby in our house was not a possibility. Now here we are fighting tooth & nail to bring Kali's sister home. From what I can see, 16 months is a pretty cool age and one that Kali will love to "mentor". LOL Still in the paperwork stage as we must fill out all the forms, get all the certified copies, etc. again. Well, it's worth it if this works, right? I am searching out all kinds of ways to make the financial aspect work. The latest is that I have become a rep for Planetjill, a line of photo jewelry based in California. Very cool that I can work from home, sell by wearing my own pieces, have parties, or people can order from the website and give my name (Beth Gallagher) as rep. By the way, the site is http://www.planetjill.com/index.html just in case you're interested! (wink wink...)

Well, too pooped to pop as my Nana used to say, so must twirl off to bed. Will write more tomorrow!

2006-04-17T19:14:00.000-05:00

Well, not much to post today. We had a fabulous Easter (Kali's first), with the beautiful "princess" Easter dress, egg hunt in the morning, special prayers for spring/faraway Grandma/everyone that is sick or lonely (Kali's ideas), the try at church, and brunch out. Kali was so happy I thought she'd fly right off the face of the earth. This is Kali in her dress and hat. The pink flower on the hat doesn't really show, but she kept taking the hat off and smelling the flower!

On the adoption front, we've finished our subsidy form for the agency and will send it tomorrow. Hoping for a big one, but will settle for anything at this point! This week will begin work on gathering all the documents AGAIN for the agency requirements. I really have to admit that I'm a little p.o.'d that they cannot use the very same ones we submitted just last year for the first adoption, but will bite the bullet and do it all again if I must. I suppose I might as well order 5 certified birth certificate copies at once so I can cover all bases for the next few years! (Laughter with a tinge of hysteria...) The agency has very kindly asked the Ethiopian program in-country if they will reduce the fee for us, so cross your fingers. I hate to do that as I know the $$ goes only to the upkeep of the orphanage, but will have to donate later instead. So, now is the bookwork stage. Hopefully it will go quickly so that we can get Freweyne home faster. I haven't mentioned any of this to Kali. I just don't want to rock her boat needlessly if something stops this from happening, but in the car the other day - out of the blue - she said "I wish my sister could come live with us." Floored me! She just might get her wish!

2006-04-11T20:17:00.000-05:00

Well, I've been told to let you see me, so here I am. Warts and all. Ok, no warts, but a fairly obvious double chin and more than a few gray hairs!

2006-04-11T19:41:00.000-05:00

Welcome to my blog. Sounds a bit odd, I must admit. Sort of like, welcome to my mind (which at this moment is a vast wasteland...).

For those of you that may not be PPSers or know me otherwise, my husband and I adopted our darling daughter from Ethiopia exactly one year ago last monday. Having gone through a few years of tragic loss, decision making and money gathering, we were amazed and humbled at the culmination of our struggles. Kali is a gift from Who/Whatever is there looking over us. She is what makes the stars sparkle at night and the sun shine so brightly. Her laugh is the sound of a million drops of soft rain falling on silver bells. Can you tell that I (we) are totally head over heels in love with our daughter? We both thought that we knew deep love, as we have it for each other and our families and friends, but we've been heaved into that other existence now. The one where you would kill or diefor your child without a thought for yourself. Needless to say, we have been living in paradise for the past year and feel unbelievably lucky to have done so.

So. Imagine my suprise, horror, and heart stopping shock at recieving a letter from Kali's only living relative insisting that we take her baby sister immediately. After a couple of weeks of grinding research, we have discovered that indeed her beloved grandmother is gravely ill and will not survive very long. This situation leaves Kali's sister in quite a precarious position as there is no one to care for her when their grandmother passes away. Side note: The grandmother is a lovely & very elegant lady that we both immediately bonded with when we met her in Ethiopia last year. In the face of desperate poverty and living conditions that most in our very fortunate country cannot even imagine in our nightmares, she is a very religious woman that instilled deep compassion, spirituality and moral values in our daughter, and loves her granddaughters beyond reason. When she passes out of our lives, she will leave a gaping hole behind her.

We are trying as hard as we can to adopt Kali's sister as soon as possible. So, at the suggestion of my posse, I begin this blog to update all of you that can put up with my posts on our journey for Freweyne (Kali's 16 month old sister in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia). Frankly the suggestion was a wonderful one as I think "talking" about all of this may just keep me sane! The cost of international adoption, as some of you may know is frightening. Especially so after going through it only a year ago. We haven't even paid that off yet, and now are wondering what we can sell to make this happen. Have come up with a few ideas, some good - some not so good, and will run them by you soon.

I want to thank my PPSer girls from the center of my heart and soul. I cannot imagine life without you all, and your generosity bowls me over. There are not enough words to describe your value to me, my husband, and our daughter. As I sit here typing and sipping a lovely spanish white wine from a Mickey Mouse paper cup (dishwasher blew. $#!^), I raise my "glass" to you.

2006-04-11T13:22:00.000-05:00

This is a test, it's only a test.