Go To Your Happy Place, Mommy.

My happy place, at least the one I keep in my head, is a lovely little cottage in a tropical paradise. And lots of lovely drinks served in pineapples! Let's just say that I need a looooooong vacation in my Happy Place. Sorry I've been incommunicado lately, but we've been dealing with teen issues. Teen issues, you say? Yes, our 5 yr. old has progressed to 16 yrs. old in just a few short months. We have a really devine combination of wild behaviour, testing testing testing, disrespecting mommy, lying, taking sister's clothes & hiding them... And all of this is iced with the usual Terrible Two's. Need I say more?Any ideas on consequences and raising your child to be a compassionate respectful one? We are not in the corporal punishment camp and far from the new agey habit of long explanations for misbehaviour, but need consequences that will mean something to them.

The hardest part of all of this is that Honeybun was such a loving, affectionate, sweet, respectful child before the arrival of SweetPea. They adore each other (most of the time) and play together nicely (again, most of the time), but now Honeybun treats her formerly beloved Mommy like dirt. I must admit, while it P.O.'s me it also hurts me deeply that our relationship has changed so drastically since last December. So, you moms of older children - is this normal behaviour? Or is it a hint of deeper issues that go unresolved. Please, I need advice.

Well, must go off with SweetPea to make buckets of crabapple butter. Will post more later this evening. Afterall, life isn't all dark clouds and rainstorms and I must fill you in on the good parts too!:)

Ok, I'm awful. I hardly have time to breath, so I'm sorry not to have updated sooner. The pictures are:

Honeybun with her best friend from Quebec, Honeybun and Sweetpea in the hammock at the lake, Honeybun with the doll the ladies Hospital Guild made for her, and Sweetpea at our Ethiopian Picnic last week.

Things are going very well. Sweetpea's tantrums are few and far between and she seems to be understanding and speaking VERY well now. She's a bit jealous that Honeybun is starting Kindergarten this year, but was thrilled that she and I would have fun times alone too. Honeybun, meanwhile, is trying out the disrespectful tones (NOT working out quite the way she'd hoped...) and is basically getting all excited for school. She has grown out of every single article of clothing that she had in her dresser, so Saturday is school shopping day for the two of us.

I started an NH (southern Maine and northern MA included for the moment until they form their own groups) Ethiopia Adoptive Families Group. We had alot of positive responses but not so many actual members showing up. (Which is probably good for management of venue, etc.) Anyway, it looks to be a good and useful group; our next meeting will either be on hair/skin care or sibling rivalry issues. Also put together a small group for an Ethiopian Picnic. It was great and I've already reserved for next summer too! :)

FYI, I'm going to be raffling off 5 mosaic pieces in the next 12 months with the proceeds going to Ethiopian/African non-profits and charities. The first is planned for the Addis Fistula Hospital and will be a bust of an Ethiopian magical/shamanic princess. (Honeybun insisted it be a princess!) A subsequent piece will benefit the Mission of Hope School in Cameroon, and I am seeking other beneficiaries for the others. Any thoughts? Ideas? Suggestions?

More on these later, and a discussion of sibling issues we've experienced in the next post. Hope all are well and happy!

xoxo

The Path to Insanity is Paved With Good Intentions...

So. I meant well when I promised that there was more to come. Honestly. My intentions were admirable, but life has gotten in the way. The kiddies are just snazzy and doing well. They are still exhibiting undeniably annoying behavior, but I'm assured by other moms of siblings that their antics are normal. And still annoying. :) The daily circus here at Toad Cottage (we have recently bought the house we have been living in for 10 years, and named it Toad Cottage because of the herds of toads hopping around constantly. Our yard teems with them and the larger of them, who I'm sure smoke and wear matching leather jackets, live under the garage.) includes Sweetpea waking at 5 am & then making darn sure that everyone is awake with her, up to 2 hour crying jags over fashion choices for the day from both Sweetpea and Honeybun, the traditional throwing of jelly covered bagels or spitting of cereal milk (guess who?), terrorizing the ancient kitty, screaming fights while mommy takes a blessed 5 minutes in the shower, etc. Frankly, I hear the strains of Barnum & Bailey's theme before I even open my eyes in the morning! The riot aside though, I adore my family and my daughters are the very light of my existence.

Healthwise, we have been on the upside, thank goodness. Sweetpea is actually swimming (In her floaty bathingsuit, but still swimming) and has had an "ouchy" ear lately. Dr. assures me it is not infected, so I've taught her the dancing on one foot while bending your head to drain ear trick. It is absolutely hysterical! Honeybun, having grown a foot in 2 years, is turning into quite the athlete. She's in tennis camp this summer and is really having a great time.

Rats, geriatric kitty is shrieking. Will have to return later. Meanwhile, here are a couple of pictures.....

QUICK UPDATE...More to follow.......

Hi all,

Sorry to have been silent for so long, but things have been a bit hectic around here. The girls are wonderful except for the small issues (terrible two's are a mite too terrible at times, language frustration on the part of Sweetpea, core abandonment emotions and grief on the part of Honeybun since "losing her place" in her eyes, end of school, dance recital, etc. etc. etc.), and truly do love each other desparately. They are my gift from God and my angels. Here are a couple of pictures to tide you over. I'll talk to you more about the above tomorrow when I can locate my missing glasses. Certain little people like to try them on, you see, and I found them last in the cat's litterbox.

The pictures are the girls playing dress-up and modeling their new bathingsuits Nana & Grumpa sent from Florida.

So, here I am. Fell asleep folding laundry and am skipping my scheduled duties (more on that later), but wanted to try posting regularly. I've gotten alot of questions about haircare for my daughters and have gotten to a point where I feel comfortable with our "system" thus far. We've gone through ALOT of shampoos & conditioners of every kind and price point! Since their particular Ethiopian hair is baby fine and curly the usual African American products are too heavy and thick, though the Motions line is pretty good. We've whittled down the pile to washing once with either Suave children's shampoo/conditioner or Creme of Nature shampoo, rinsing, and conditioning with a handful of Clairol Herbal Essence Conditioner with palm oil and Aussie 3 minute Miracle conditioner. I usually let Honeybun's conditioner set while I wash Sweetpea's or vice versa and then comb out while the conditioner is still in, rinse with lukewarm water and squeeze out excess water with a towel. After all that, we put in a palmful of Mizani Rose H2O conditioning hairdress (found at Trade Secret at the mall) and a bit of Burt's Bees Avocado Butter Pre-shampoo. It only takes a slight comb to work it in, and then we braid or ponytail, etc. The girls like 2 french braids the best and I find that with the after-conditioner stuff, the braids stay for a week. We don't wash anymore than once a week at most, as more often makes their hair and scalps super dry. Oh, also I squirt a bit of Burt's Bees Apricot Oil on their scalps with an eyedropper and work in every couple of days. So, there you go. All I know about hair. Needless to say, it's completely opposite of mine though I dream of having such lovely curls!

Potty training has quite honestly got me stumped. The teeny one is 2 yrs. old, and gets what the toilet is for etc., but frankly isn't that interested. Poor thing watches me flinch when I remove a po-po filled diaper and kisses me saying "Solly Mommy". I know that she is completely overwhelmed with new things/language/adjustment/etc. but, good grief, I'm sick of stinky diapers. Any advice? It's harder now as she is on antibiotics (Keflex) for an infected Molluscum (a wart like virus she got in Ethiopia), which gives her unbelievable diarrhea. Turns out that this one is a 'skin girl' meaning that all her illnesses are showing on her skin. Looks like we will be having a long relationship with a dermatologist. She will break out in little bumps all over her legs from lotion, itchy rash on butt and hips from bleach used to whiten disposable diapers, breaks out in rashes on her face (one had to be fought with antibacterial ointment as it turned into a staph infection from her scratching it at night) from oranges, etc. etc. etc.

I am still overtired and am convinced by looking in the mirror once a week or so that I have aged at least 20 years in the past month. I read an article recently that said 89% of moms admit that they have let themselves go since having children. Sadly, I am one of those moms. Have taken the proverbial bull by the horns though, and am getting a magnificent haircut tomorrow (thinking positively about the magnificent part) and will try try try to spice up my "look" from now on. Thank goodness we get our tax refund next week (Yay for the adoption tax credit!!!), so will have a bit of extra for new clothes buying. Have not figured out the sleep thing. I turned off the dreaded monitor, but still wake up about every hour to listen for breathing etc. Pathetic I know.

Tomorrow I am making Ethiopian food for the pre-school on Monday. I agreed to do an Ethiopian Day with pictures, stories, examples of money/spices/clothing/etc, as well as Ethiopian food for snack. We did not, as I had planned, go to Boston for Injera, so will have to deal with pita bread. :( Oh well. I'm making Ambasha Bread (sweet bread), Gommen Wat (spinach stew), and Shiro (chickpea stew). Cannot wait to fill the house with those delicious smells!!! MMMMMMMmmmmmmmm. Suddenly very hungry... hold on.......................................................... Aaaaaah, will have to hold off the need for Ethiopia food tonight with the help of a hot cross bun.

Meanwhile, the girls are now getting along much better. They are so cute kissing each other and hugging when we leave Honeybun off at school or before bed. It gives my heart a jolt to see how deeply they love each other already. Sweetpea is very very affectionate and her inner comedienne self is getting stronger each day. It is completely hilarious to see her give this long dissertation in mangled Amharic, toddler gibberish, and very mangled English and then fall on the floor laughing at how funny it was! Our daughter the comic.

Oh, and the duties I'm skipping... was putting together a foam board of pictures and stuff for Ethiopia Day at shcool. It will have to wait until tomorrow.

Procrastination, thy name is me.

Okay, so "Anonymous" has shamed me into finally posting. I must admit that being the mom of two has taken it's toll on me, and I have merely been procrastinating. You see, my only time to myself is after the sweeties go to sleep (7:30 pm), but by then I am exhausted and opt to relax over a graham cracker with icing or something similar instead of update the blog. Sorry, but sugar has so far beaten chatting with you. Well, not anymore! I have taken the bull (me after many weeks of eating graham crackers with icing...) by the horns and will put my nose to the grindstone. Actually I got a completely wonderful email today from a reader that told me that my blog and story was the only thing that got her through a rough time in Addis picking up her own child. Can't tell you how touched I am that 1. She reads my blog and really got something helpful from it, and 2. That she is sweet enough to write and tell me. Thank you, Reader, and I will respond to you via email.

Someone asked me to elaborate on the horror of my stay in Addis, so I'll give a few extra details. As I've told you, my daughter hated my guts from the getgo and the entire stay was heartwrenching. She would scream bloody murder if I came near her and writhe as if being murdered slowly if I tried to hold her. My sister traveled with me, thank goodness, and was treated the very same by her little niece. When we were able to see our Ethiopian family mid-stay, it was wonderful to see them (we are in love with our daughters' grandmother and are treated as true family members by extended family and friends) but it was also very very traumatic. On our first trip, we did not get the chance to meet the birthmom as she opted out of the visit - which I completely understand. This time, she chose to meet us and is a really great young woman that obviously adores her children. Meeting my children's birthmother combined with the fact that their grandmother is terminally ill with a disease that could at least be treated and her life extended here just about broke my sister and I. The grandmother served us an enormous buffet of delicious foods (which I'm sure wiped her out financially) and came to the guest house to see us the day before we left. She cried, hugged me, and apologized for being ill. She said that she prayed to God every day to be able to watch her girls grow up via pictures and to be able to visit them at home one day. That visit nearly killed me. We supported this fine and regal lady through the baby while she was living with her family, and now will continue to support her privately so that she can purchase the medicines and care she desparately needs. For those of you that pray, please say one for this lovely lady. She lives to take care of others near her that are ill, gives the food right off her own plate (which isn't much) to those that ask, and blesses those that took her granddaughters half a world away. I am very lucky to know her.

Deep breath. Okay, that over with...please ask me questions if you need more info on the trip or Sweetpea's demeanor there. I think that my experience with her is more typical than the immediate bonding and connection to Honeybun. Needless to say, now Sweetpea is a different little girl. Her personality has really blossomed, she smiles all the time, thinks she is the funniest thing in the world, and loves her family deeply and we cherish her. I was a tad freaked out at first as she is a 2 yr. old and I have NO experience with that age; also because Honeybun was exhibiting some serious jealousy. It's been a wierd jealosy though in that she wants to be the mom almost, gets mad that Sweetpea wants me to hold her if she's hurt or upset instead of Honeybun, doesn't like me to hold Sweetpea at all, argues with me over e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g, and has been having nightmares. I initially was very worried for Honeybun and was afraid I had ruined our perfect little unit with a competing child. Turns out her behaviour is very normal. Alot of her "stuff" is from core abandonment issues that were buried deep deep deep, and I'm sort of glad this all happened because it's given me the opportunity to confront her issues and talk them through as well as do some cuddle therapy. It's taken some serious talks over and over and over of "I will never stop being your mom; I will never stop loving you; Nothing will ever make me stop loving you; I will never leave you; etc. etc." I also think that it's really helped that we've never even slightly made her choose between us and our Ethiopian family, but have instead worked hard to incorporate them into our daily lives and make us one big group. It's helped Sweetpea too, to look at pictures of all of us, talk about all of us, send letters and pictures to family all over the world, etc.

I've probably already told you all of this before and am just too lazy and unfocused to reread previous posts, so feel free to click over to E online or something if you're bored. Update on the girls... Honeybun is loving her last year of preschool. She didn't make kindergarten this year because her birthday is in December, so just registered for next year. She is growing more beautiful everyday, and still exudes the explosion of joy she always has. She adores her little sister. Sweetpea is all over the place. Like any 2 yr. old, she is into everything, draws on the walls with markers, pulls the cat's tail, is starting to get the whole potty training thing finally, and idolizes her big sister. They both eat like horses and are growing like crazy. Once we got rid of her Giardia, Sweetpea is finally putting on some weight and growing. That was a challenge! Honeybun has grown almost 9 inches and 14 pounds in less than 2 years since coming home. They cannot stand to have their hair washed (though I've remedied that by having them lie on the kitchen counter and washing it in the sink with our little sprayer), have very dry skin with eczema patches and rashes (I've made a salve that seems to work!), and have more energy than any other child I have met (it is focused not like ADD). Hard to believe that 3 yrs ago we were mourning our lost baby and wondering what we were here for. We were always destined to be mom and dad to these two angels, and now we are all Home and happy at last.

An update is coming on the weekend. Lots to tell you, but am too tired to type. Here are a couple of photos to tide you over!